Why Are You (Me) Swearing?
I had a bit of a f*ckstorm at work today. I spiraled and spun into a misserable attitude and deep doubts about my competency.
I work a landscaping job for part-time work, and though some may think the job is easy, I’ve had a few too many crap days. The challenge is when I start swearing aloud, seemingly like a half-case of Tourettes. I know that’s a sensitive subject for some, yet multiple outbursts that I’ve tried to contain seem to pop like popcorn in a skillet. I’ll hurl out curses and cusses and then have yelled back at myself, and then back at that self. It’s like dual channels of myself fighting with each other.
I’m still not sure how to control these outbursts. A few steps up the anger ladder have found me in these arguments with myself, and it’s embarrassing. I also feel guilt and shame about cussing out, making me question my sanity. As is, I made it through the day, and I came home and shut my eyes for 15 minutes on the patio.
I’d love to be more secure and stable at work, and I don’t want to believe it need be a struggle. Open dialogues are helpful, yet when prodded if okay or all right today, my curt response was “No!” with a second layer wanting to add “Go away!” I didn’t say the go-away part, yet I wanted to teleport away from the site and not return.
I won’t quit my job, though I really need to get myself back under my own control. What challenges do you face? How do you keep calm, and what is the third option if you can’t keep calm?
Read this post and more on my Typeshare Social Blog