Rebelling Against Sleep
For a couple of years, I’d be up to 4–6 AM on a routine basis. For a while, it was because I was working nights at Wendy’s, yet for other parts of a nocturnal career, I just liked juicing up on coffee and writing until the wee hours. I’ve been in bed most nights before midnight, yet tonight (at 9:55 PM), I could feel the chemicals calling for consumption.
Back in 2000–2001, I was into illegal drugs, and I remember the sleep deprivation. Granted, in the past decade, it was caffeine-induced and not meth when staying up late. I likely will NEVER smoke crystal again, yet marijuana calls too. I must not partake.
I heard somewhere that some people stay up late to rebel against the world, punishing someone psychologically by refusing to sleep. I’m not sure who my heart wants to rebel against, yet I’m super tempted to caffeinate and stay up to 3 AM.
I realize super-late nights aren’t so healthy, yet the craving was here and intense in my chest. I had decaf coffee on (one thing I love to drink), though I could sense my desire to drug. Even if just coffee, for me, it’s a drug.
I want to do editing for one of my books, and I have my daily journal post to complete. On a night where I work the next day, I’m often in bed an hour and a half earlier than when I wrote this, yet I don’t want to take psychological chances of a 3–4 AM coffee/drug night. My more rational choice is to brew another pot of decaf and stay up to midnight at the latest.
As is, I learn to breathe. Care well for yourself and be wise with your choices.
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