A Chapter to My Future Daughter (from The Sands of Yesterday)
A Grain of Sand
Though we’ve not met, the pets greet with a kind gesture. The idea of PLUR holds the weld, and though I don’t know who you’ll become, I remember I need to share the story of where you come from.
This book, Aeris, is for our family. Although I had thought of you, Celest and Paradox even a decade before I wrote this, some grains of truth extend back into my youth. I had thought that I’d adopt, yet I know not if that happens now.
I had not yet known your Mom, though I could see our home in my mind. The aquarium surrounding your bed is even held in my mind now, and I envision the windows of your room around the desktop upon which you work.
Though I think you’re three to five years away from when I wrote this, I sip in the cinematic and contialitic bliss dreaming of the first kiss. Your Mom may not have known about me for a long time yet, yet I still hadn’t a clue who she is.
Maybe you are a grain of sand that already passed through the hourglass. I can’t yet know for sure. Your Grandpa is one that’s taken great care of me, and I know they want me to shine out and through my doubt about the plans of never forgotten love.
The thoughts of the plot are for the path of our story, yet I want our home to be close to my Dad. I’ve still not been clear about how we get to that point, yet one thing that I want to help teach you is how to dream. I want to help you have a clarified vision of what you want, and then help you with gumption, encouragement, and support to reach your dreams!
I’ve thought about our home since 2011, and the goal is to have the professional draft of our home set and made by September 5th, 2019. I’ll invest further time in designing our home, and though it may be a lost obsessive point, I also want to envision events, activities, and people in our house. We know it, though I still have fear and a lack of faith.
I have ideas about how you are brought up, and there are lessons that my parents have given me that I’ll relay to you. I don’t know yet if you’ll have a brother or sister. I can’t even imagine who YOU are to be, let alone understand or believe I meet your Mom. There still were so many pieces of the puzzle that needed to be found and placed. I’ll tell you my stories, though first I must meet you, Aeris.
Your Grandma might like that we build our house in Canada. I have loved her too, and I think of the lessons I’ve been learning. I’m thankful she’s closer to me now than we had been through the years before, and I hope you get to see her often. I think she holds my fear that we’ll never meet because I may be too bold and fretful or meek and courageous. The balance isn’t precise.
I’m wondering how we use this book for us too. I don’t know what you would want to know of my past, and if the title is Seeds of Tomorrow, it’s clear that you’re one of the essential seeds that I tend. The Fountains books take about 3–9 months to write, though I think I could produce them faster. It depends on life and my understanding.
Since we don’t yet know who your Mom is, I could write about the lovestones (women) I meet and have met. I had been advised to document the process, and that’s what the Fountains are doing even if unfocused and misconstrued.
I’m thinking about how our garden will be decades after being planted. Some plants only stay around for a year, yet there also are some that return year after year as we evolve through the cycles of time. No matter where we are to live, we’ll find a way to bring you to your grandparents once or twice a year and invite them to our house too!
The stars are far away, yet they align. Perchance I should think of the time closer to myself when I wrote instead of where you are when you get this. This book should not be just for you, Aeris. I need to let my imagination and heart twist through the Universe and bring it back to others too.
For now, though, I need to search and seek for the lovestone that comes to honour, love and protect you too. Our lives are grains of sand in the oyster of time; a delicate pearl that ensures we unfurl.
I ask you to remain faithful to yourself. Find your heart revel in things and people that aren’t there yet and see the truth unfold from the first moments we hold. The ideas of the kitten’s purr find the soft fur to nuzzle up and sup with the idea of a cup overflowing.
We also show, though, she didn’t yet know.
The hope is still to bridge to the points where we need to be. The words speak back to my heart, yet how can we see I arrive at our moment of a meeting? I release control of the dream and write for those that’ll team up to ensure we meet. The seeds share with some on the street, and some ideas hold the treat to my being. There is a fear of seeing deep into her eyes to find I do not need to disguise.
The slight rise and fall of breath call out to Beth. I can’t concur that she knows yet either if it’s for sure. The purification of my being finds that there are some who let us know where we are to come from. What is taken to form the dream? Do we hold the truth in the reams of text? What does it matter if another’s next to me? Do you heed what I wrote? The sequence of the note shares some who carry a wish to pair her with the child from her womb, yet into the light of the first day we stray.
You can’t tell me what to do for the next few years. You aren’t yet able to speak to me. Other than the intuition that comes from this, a particular curtain of bliss brings us up to sup. I hope we know the pup is still to become a Shivan, though I can’t yet live in the same moment of intent you’ve sent. The vents clear and clarify how it’s God, perchance, who tells us how and why.
I could tell you, though, that some of the gals that I meet in my life catch my heart. I wonder about the people you know and meet that aren’t directly part of our family tree. Some people are part of our family; though, when you read this, they include quite a few I’d not yet known when I wrote this book. The combination of two lives into one through marriage melds quite a few different worlds, sometimes.
When will we next meet the Haaves and the Wrys? They were the closest I had to brothers and sisters when I grew up. In the years before this book, I barely heard from any of them, though that may be since I’ve not made much effort to contact them. There are many others I’ve not reached out to too. In the creation of these books, I had isolated myself a lot. It’s not been a great feeling to do so, sometimes, though I’ve also thought it’s easier to be on my own.
I write these books to learn and share my understanding and ideas about life with people. With some, I have so much to say, and then there are others that I’ve left alone and had nothing to share. Within the past six months, I’ve held at home with my excuses and actions that have found me near alone.
It’s easier to be alone. There can be no one to hurt. There’s no one to worry about having to care for at home, and it’s weird that I’ve fretted so much for some I’m not allowed to be with while forgetting about those that do love and care for us. Perchance some of them are afraid to reach out to us too.
I want to tell you that we’ll be okay. I want you to be there to ask all the questions for which you need answers. I want to tell you the truth, I want to help you find your dreams, and I also want to keep some things hidden from you to surprise you with love and joy when you think there’s none in the world.
I fear to let you down. I fear that you won’t want to be part of our family. I dread to lose you before you’re even in the womb. I can and must resume with my life, though if I’m to meet you, I’ll need not just to live, though instead thrive!
I’m terrified of succeeding for I fear the hurt and betrayal that’s hounded me in the past. I need to let go of so many things and wish that the rings of Saturn orbit around my soul. I pray well for our longevity, and that we’ll always have more than enough for ourselves.
I also want to ensure that we allow our hearts to care and provide for others. I fear the future from my lack of faith that we wouldn’t meet the ones you grow up with together. We honour, nurture, and nourish. We also sanctify, seal, and bond.
I woke up early today. It was my intent earlier in the year to be up and out of bed each day before nine AM each morning. There were times when I worked at Wendy’s where I’d work closes and be home near three or five in the morning. There also were times when I had no job that I’d stay up to five or seven AM and sleep until the late afternoon. It’s only in the past few months that I’ve stopped staying up late and instead have gone to bed at a reasonable hour.
Even though I had not yet found my solution of how to support myself, I still don’t want to abuse the fact that we can choose how we live. I wish not to confuse the freedoms granted to us.
Our intent is a vital thing. When I’ve intended to do some things, I’ve often lacked the resolve and commitment to follow through on what I’ve said I’ll do. When we make pledges or promises it’s sometimes easy to break those promises when we make them to ourselves. Accountability to other people can be more efficient.
Some other’s lessons have taught that too; that we won’t let down another when we’ve promised them. We can strengthen our actions and ethics; by making promises and keeping our word. I want to learn how to do so more often.
I’m not clear, Aeris, if you’ve met some of the people that have been guiding and teaching me. There are some famous people that I like and have looked up to in the past few years, and although I won’t push myself into their lives, I do want to allow myself to earn the right to connect with some of them directly. It’s not just for the one gal that I had wanted to be your Mom, yet also for some other people that I’ve been fortunate to learn from and have written to before. I again, though, need to clarify my intent.
I had been over-focused and pushed my work. We need to think of what we’re to do to help other’s lives and processes because we also can’t always figure just for our own benefit. I hope you know that and find your heart, experience, and work to be for other people and not so much focused on what you gain as I have so often.
Fancifully, I wonder what the Internet will be like when you’re a teenager, Aeris! I take my mind to tour our home again. I think of how of the windows of your room have a visual/monitor type of projection on them. Younger people sometimes have a stronger link and understanding of technology, and it makes me wonder how you’ll be and what skills you’ll learn. My imagination, right now, seems to wish you’ll form your network and community around your creative wants and work. I somehow intuit you’re to be so much further into a life of integrated possibility than I was at your age.
I’ve also had a fear of when you’ll move away when you grow up. It’s like I grieve you before you’ve formed in the womb. The points of time are so much far further into the future, and I can’t imagine meeting your Mom yet. I feel the sadness (and, yes, a layer of joy) that you’ll grow your own life, wings, and move into a future that’ll be your own. You grow up into a young adult.
There’s was a layer of edge and excitement at the boundaries of the skin on my arms as I typed this to you. At the moment I wrote, I felt the gladness of knowing we live in our home, a thing I wish for others too. In my life, there’s a certainty; I’ve not grasped the feeling of compassion or faith so often. I’ve often shifted from full belief in a prosperous future for all, to the fear that I’m just spinning my wheels.
The faith, hope, and confidence I’ve sometimes held haven’t been so frequent as my uncertainty. I pray, hope, and wish you find contentment, peace, and you own assuredness and that you’ll be okay with your life. I’m a very accepting person, and that’s a good thing sometimes. Being accepting, though, has another concern.
I fear my complacency; that I’ll take whatever happens and not push, work, and strive for what I want. I’ve sometimes thought of myself as lazy, yet also know that I’ve had some points of time where I’ve invested so much effort and work into life. During winter in 2016–2017, there was a lot of snow, and I remember the excitement of having an 18-hour shift shovelling. I love the feeling of having worked or put in a great deal of effort, yet sometimes am terrified that I’ve accomplished nothing.
From an exercise from Lewis Howes’ book The School of Greatness, I set a goal of selling 15,000 books by August 1st, 2017. At the point of when I typed this, I hadn’t sold a single book online during the first two and a half months of 2017. I’m scared of this. I’ve put in a great deal of work and wishes to have yet seen so few results.
There are the wishes and hopes that my work is like a glacier, and the fragments of the books haven’t yet reached the point of breaking off into the ocean. I remind you also that the moments of déjà vu you’ll have are a kind reminder that you may be on the right track and path.
So, Aeris, this book, and its series, The Fountains of Faith, started with you in mind. I’ve talked only a little bit about this with some people, yet I encourage you too to talk about your dreams, work, and projects. By talking about what we want and what we want to do with and for other people, we strengthen our faith.
Though I have barely any accountability to other people directly, I fortify my commitments by believing in our future and by working toward it. If I’ve had a lack of action and effort by committing to myself, then what shall I do for other people like yourself?
Perchance I do more of the right things.
Though you were not yet even conceived in the flesh at the point of me writing this, I thank you and apologize for using you in the way I have. I complete this and future works, and though Celest may not be happy that I focused so much on you, I also had her birth in mind.
It could be just you, your Mom, and myself as our core family, though the idea of having three kids in our nuclear family is a notion held as an only child.
Brad just messaged me about the rain today. It was raining earlier in the morning, which meant we were not to go work outside to trim hedges. The rain stopped, so we’ll work today. I guess that means I formed this chapter and needed to head back out and go to work.
I don’t like landscaping. I’d prefer to work on my dreams. It doesn’t feel right to have to be out in the cold, yet I also think of how some people don’t even have a home.
I still have work to do. Make sure we help with the Seed Fund. I would prefer the money for the seeds come from our books and not working outside in the rain.
As your grandpa would say; “love you kiddo!”